

Congratulations! (You're a Loser!)
You've never done anything worthy of praise in your entire pathetic life, but today's your lucky day...
You are the biggest fucking loser I've ever seen! You may be a complete and utter failure, but you excel at failing, at getting hard for mean brats on the internet, at sending all your money to Me, a pretty girl who hates you! CONGRATULATIONS!
Losers like you take every little win you can, don't you?
The viewer is assumed to have a penis. Gender neutral.
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