I'm home, cooking, when I squat down (while wearing a small white thong, my big butt fully out). Hmmmm...something smells delicious...like bacon...wait...I'm not cooking bacon. Wait...why does my booty feel suddenly so hot?!

I jump up in pain. Where did this lit candle come from all of a sudden?! This makes no sense. I'm running around trying to cool my scalding booty down. I then jump into my sink to run cold water over my sensitive skin.

Just as I'm feeling relief, suddenly the water goes from cool to really damn hot! I yell out, run around the kitchen, trying to fan my poor hurting tushy.

Later on, I decide to give myself a break. This whole cooking thing has become quite a fiasco. I try to get comfortable, but my poor butt is still so sore from earlier. When I leave to get some ice water, a pineapple suddenly appears on my couch (without me seeing it). I squat down to sit when all of a sudden I'm pricked my the sharpest pineapple ever! What is going on?! Who has it in for my big butt?!

More practical jokes ensue. It seems like my butt will not be getting a break any time soon!

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